Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Fun Facts about Chuck Norris

Saw this on a website...a few fun facts about Chuck Norris:

1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
3. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
4. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
5. Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
6. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
7. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
8. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
9. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
10. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
11. One day Chuck Norris looked in the mirror and said "No one outstares Chuck!" He is still there to this day.
12. Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
13. Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".
14. Chuck Norris only masterbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Big thanks to the good folks at www.4q.cc/chuck/index.php?topthirty

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Man faces charges accusing him of placing photographs of his genitalia on the cars of women

A 40-year-old man faces charges accusing him of placing photographs of his genitalia on the cars of women who parked at shopping centers. Jeffrey J. Hein of Hartford told investigators he placed the photos on their cars because he thought they "would find it funny."
Hein told investigators he was inspired by a pornographic Web site to photograph his private parts and then sell the pictures to the Web site. But, when he was unable to do that, he "came up with the idea to play a joke on strangers" by putting the photographs in envelopes and attaching them to cars belonging to women, whom he picked at random whenever he went shopping, the complaint said.
Investigators said Hein told them some of the women laughed when they looked at the photos.

Drisky: What kind 0f world do we live in where a man cannot take a picture of his package, put it in an evelope and give it away. I just got done distributing pictures of my package to every car in a six block radius.

Cash4Cadavers.com 2006 COF Hit Squad!

In the 'bad kharma' move of our lives, we here at COF HQ are putting together a 2006 Cash4Cadavers team. We've only got a few weeks to pick 20 'famous' people who are going to kick the bucket in 2006.

We'll take the best suggestions and use our winnings to make handsome COF outdoorswear, which we'll then sell back to you for a steep mark- up.

Post away.


Monday, November 14, 2005

Thai Tourists Warned Of Sedative-Spitting Transvestites

Thai Tourists Warned Of Sedative-Spitting Transvestites
BANGKOK, Thailand -- Thai police are warning tourists of a new scam.
Members of a Thai transvestite gang have confessed to hiding strong sedatives in their mouths and spitting them down the throats of victims during deep kissing. Then they rob the drugged tourists.
The confession came from three attractive transvestites arrested in Bangkok last week. Police say they'd robbed a Bangladeshi businessman of more than $7,300 in cash and valuables.
Police say the victim told investigators he met the transvestites in a bar and invited them all back to his apartment.
After kissing one, he said he felt dizzy and passed out. When he woke up, his cash, watch, mobile phone and notebook computer were gone.
A police lieutenant colonel has this warning for tourists: "Don't rush to kiss a stranger on the mouth or you will end up in a deep sleep."

The police comment above sounds like a fortune cookie.
All I got to say to the transvestite hookers: "I want to party with you, cowboy!"

Is China creating an army of super-human warriors?

Found out today that China has created a special prison system to quarentine patients with varying diseases, such as HIV. However, I'm pretty sure that this is simply some elaborate cover-up from the Chinese Authorities to mask their program to design their latest military weapon: a mutated animal/human being ala Rocksteady and BeBop from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles series.

Just a thought...

Am I a conspiracy theorist? Absolutely not...

Welcome to the Conspiracy

Welcome to the Conspiracy...More to come.